people George Carlin can do without

(from his 1988 album, What Am I Doing in New Jersey?)

  • Guys in their 50s named Skip
  • Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an Exxon credit card
  • An airline pilot who has on two different shoes
  • A proctologist with poor depth perception
  • A pimp who drives a Toyota Corolla
  • A gynecologist who wants my wife to have three or four drinks before the examination
  • Guys with a lot of small pins on their hats
  • Anyone who mentions Jesus more than 300 times in a two-minute conversation
  • A dentist with blood in his hair
  • Any woman whose hobby is breast-feeding zoo animals
  • A funeral director who says “Hope to see you folks again real soon!”
  • Girls who get drunk and throw up at breakfast
  • A man with only one lip
  • A Boy Scout master who owns a dildo shop
  • People who actually know the second verse to “The Star-Spangled Banner”
  • Any lawyer who refers to the police as “the Federales”
  • A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin
  • A brain surgeon with “BORN TO LOSE” tattooed on his hands
  • Couples whose children’s names all start with the same initial
  • A man in a hospital gown directing traffic
  • A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand
  • People who have large gums and small teeth
  • Guys who wear the same underwear until it begins to cut off the circulation to their feet
  • Any man whose arm hair completely covers his wristwatch

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